Teh Lemonsmith

Pedaling through the night.

Posted on 31 January 2010

I rode my bicycle late into the night yesterday.

I was pedaling next to the San Diego River; the moon was brighter than it would be for the rest of this year and it reflected on the still water. As I pedaled along, I prayed aloud to God. Thanking him for my life and the many blessings I have.

Family, friends, food, a home, a job, good health, a bicycle.

And once I was done talking I rode quietly onward, listening to my wheels go round and wondering about how God responds. Somewhere in all those words the bible talks about how a man who believes on faith alone will be blessed, yet I constantly want to see or hear from God in a more tangible way.

I see the stars, and the ocean, and relationships and feel deep inside of me that there is a God. Unexplainable coincidences have occurred in my life and I believe it to be God. I look at the world in all its brokenness and see the gospel as the answer.

But even knowing all of this, I still want to see God.

Faith is a tricky thing, and for the most part it just frustrates me. It just seems that everything would be a whole lot easier if God would come down, even if in cloud form, every 50 or so years to remind us that He is in fact real. But then you realize that the God you believe in is not only all-powerful, but all-knowing and that He has this whole design of His on lockdown and it is a perfect plan, so God’s whole not showing Himself to you is the right choice. Another wrench in the complex engine of faith.

And to make it even more complicated a man would think that by having a relationship with God, that a desire to have tangible verifiable proof of His existence would cease to be, or more to the core, doubt would be eliminated. But as a man who would say that he does in fact have a relationship with God, doubt still lingers around.

Crazypants.